Twice this month I had to defend my sexuality.. Once to my grandmother and once to a co-worker who I thought was my friend at one point.


I really never thought I would have to defend my sexuality to my family... And if I did I never thought that I would be so animated about it... So god sakes I through my back out.



I am an open and out lesbian... People may think that we choose to be gay... the only choice we have is to ignore or embrace our instincts. My eye goes to a female just the way a straight mans does...The people I know may even think that I myself chose to be gay... Yes I admit that I have been in relationships when men (boys really).. Yes I also admit that the last male relationship I was in the fool was 11 years older then I was... I started dating him when I was 16... I knew that I liked girls, I however didn't know how at accept it.

I was raised Catholic... Not that I was forced to go to church and had my first communion or anything, but just the basics. God says its wrong to be gay. A man and a woman are to be married not 2 men and 2 ladies...

The thing that made me stop believing in god was that exact thing. I think I was about 12 or 13. When I first really realized that I found myself attracted to woman. I guess the first crush I had was back in kindergarten on my teacher... I remember always trying to make her look at me... To make her pay attention to me. That's my earliest memory of trying to get the attention of a female... But growing up the way I did I thought that it was wrong. Not until I think I was in 7th grade did I really start to question my sexuality.



Going into my freshman year is where I met Angie. We met at band camp.. I know since that retarded America Pie movie.... God I really hate that movie. Because every time I try to tell someone about how me and Angie met this is what is said..."One time at band camp".. I really fucking hate it!

But it's the truth. She and I really did meet at band camp... And there was an immediate attraction. She thinks that I don't remember but I do.

After the summer we started hanging out on a regular basis.. It was awesome, this girl was raised that same was that I was. She and I both grew up catholic. But she was comfortable with who she was... Well it seemed that way to me anyway.

But we got along beautifully.. We started sleeping together. We became best friends... Until the day she asked me to be her girlfriend... I had a boyfriend at the time and told her no... She would tell me about how "in love" she was with her friend and then turn around and tell me that she was in love with me... I told her that there was no way that she was in love with me if she was still soooo hung up on this friend... The day that I told her no was pretty much the day that my heart broke. She stopped talking to me all together.. She treated me like total shit until the day that our good friend died in a car accident... She was the one who told me. He died the same day that my great grandmother died... I was devastated. And torn because Angie and I were talking again. But that was short lived. The girl Angie was seeing refused to have any relationship with her until she was over me... So in continuing a relationship with me her girlfriend would break up with her.
The years went by and we met up again. She was in a relationship with another girl and I was in a relationship with a d-bag we'll name, Shalvin. He was 11 years older then me. I invited her and her girlfriend to some bbq's that we had. And we she and I started to get close again her girl didn't like it very much so she stopped talking to me.



This last time neither of us were going to let it go this time... Angie had just recently broken up with her girlfriend. Shalvin and I were on the outs and I wasn't going to go back this time. So I finally broke it off... She and I started dating immediately no hesitation on either of our sides. We weren;t exclusive. And she made sure that I knew that!!!

So after a few month and a huge fight, she asked me out and I gladly accepted. Finally after 7 years we were going to actually be together...



And that's were we are now. We just had our 5 year anniversary. And I love her more and more everyday. I am glad that we have gone threw to get where we are today.. Otherwise I don't think that it would have worked.!



I guess that I just needed to get this out because it will eventually lead to the real reason I started this blog. To get things off my chest. I know that it might take me a little while to get everything out.